Amy’s Thoughts

Well, I’m afraid this update loses some of its impact now that I’ve returned to the states, but I didn’t exactly have time to write my final missive twice.  I literally used my last 20 minutes at the youth hostel in Rio to type the tale of my final week in Brazil and as a result, after hotmail ate my words of wisdom re week 9, I had no choice but to leave the tale for later reconstruction as I had a plane to catch.  By the way, many thanks to all those sarcastic words of wisdom (no I did not forget something, Nancy, hotmail just hates me and yes, my week was EXTREMELY exciting, thank you very much, Jed).

And so… I will attempt to reconstruct my final week for you, my patient loyal readers, and also for me, since I find it impossible to leave this tale unfinished!

Speaking of Jed, he would be so proud of me (I forgot to mention this in week 8), for I spent one of my final evenings with my family playing the Brazilian version of that game whose name escapes me, but you know the one — it’s a war game, involving lots of armies with the goal being to take over the world.  In any case, I had to keep reminding the apparent cheaters in the family (the father and the 14-year old son) that no, if they wanted to fight with x number of armies, then they had to actually move y number of armies when they won.  I constantly amazed the young boys in the house with my knowledge of “cool” games and (amazingly enough!) music.

But that has nothing to do with week 9.  Week 9 I spent in Rio (and what fun that was!)  For the first part of the week, I toured the city with the other Americans in our group.  We visited Cristo Redentor at the top of a mountain via train and an endless number of steps; trekked across two other mountains on our way to a third (Pao de Acucar) via rikkety, grindy, terrifying slow, cable cars (my mom would have freaked!); ate at a churrasco buffet (the Brazilian version of barbecue where every two minutes a waiter hovered over your shoulder wanting to drop giant slabs of meat on your plate – I kept them away with my newly acquired Brazilian finger – that would be a no-no-no shaking of the finger not whatever the hell else you guys are thinking); spent hours at the beach; visited several ”hippy fairs”; trekked through a botanical garden; visited the soccer stadium (why I ask you); and attended a hideous, tacky, Las Vegas showgirl type show well-known among Rio tourists for its “realistic” portrayal of Brazilian culture and history [scoffs and rolls eyes].

My only regret is that I never did get the chance to leap off that mountain in Rio and hang-glide down to the beaches below.  They kept cancelling our reservation due to inclement weather.  Damn them.  Of course, in retrospect, I think that maybe the inclement weather was actually God shouting from above, “HEY!  Enough risk-taking already, you MORONS!!”

My final three days in Rio I spent at the beach, wandering through Copacabana, enjoying my room at the youth hostel that was so very different from the room of broken pipes, waterfall streaming across the electric control panel and telephone, sprinkling in my face at 4:00 in the morning, nearly electrocuting me as I attempted to turn on the lights and turn off the a/c via the same control panel, unable to see the water that was turning it into a hazardous danger zone… this was the room I stayed in at our “classier” and more expensive group hotel we stayed in for the first half of the week.  My youth hostel was much calmer and had lots more character with a hammock on the balcony, bunk beds in the rooms, hardwood floors, ceiling fans and older architecture.

In any case, that was my final week in Brazil.  For the most part, it was calm with a distinct lack of excitement (mainly because I wasn’t with the group that ended up getting in an argument with a taxi driver — well, I did get in some arguments myself, but I wasn’t there for this particular argument — and were forced to exit the cab in the middle of a bunch of favelas, or shantytowns, with no idea of where they were or how to get where they were going, and ended up getting picked up by mega-scary, machine gun toting military police… they were eventually given a ride to civilization after enduring a lecture about wandering where they didn’t belong and having to hear about the German tourist who was shot not two blocks from where they stood two weeks before… yeah, I’m thinking I was lucky to escape all that excitement!)

And so my experiences in Brazil ended with a 12-hour plane ride home, 4 hour layover in Texas, and a 2 hour flight to K.C.  All in all, it was a great trip, crazy family, river rafting near death experience, cable cars, excessive hours in class, military police and all.

But it’s good to be home too!

E então amigos, como vão?  I am wrapping up the academic portion of the program here — took my final exam this morning, what a pain in the butt, like we’re supposed to study while in paradise… de jeito nenhum!

Although I must admit that paradise is sometimes an exaggeration (somehow the stench of overworked sewage systems detracts from the idyllic setting), it still seems absurd to spend our afternoons studying… which is why many of us have perfected the art of studying at the beach (that is to say, we pretend to study until someone else from the group shows up to pretend study as well, which usually results in happy, sunny hours with not a book in sight).

And so my academic program endeth, on the beach with coco water and a smile.

I did of course get a lot of work done on my research project (despite the time at the beach) but there is still so much more to do.  I spent the past several weeks, making observations in an elementary/middle school in Vitória, speaking with teachers and interviewing adults students (who attend at night).  Unfortunately, I had a limited amount of time to pursue my research (given the rigorous academic schedule) and things in Latin America tend to meander along at a very slow pace in any case, so… I think that if I truly want to use the results of my research to write my master’s thesis, I’m going to have to return to Brazil sometime over the next year (how very sad for me, I’m sure).

And so my research stops, with too many questions for it to truly be at an end.

My crazy Brazilian family is already asking when I will return, so they can welcome me with loud shrieks of joy.  I of course am counting down the seconds to when I get to leave their nut house, though I will truly, TRULY miss the children (yes, even the whiney shrieky one).

And so I leave the wacky Brazilian family behind, certain that my family has, in no way, ever approached their level of wackiness (and that’s really saying something!)

I completed Capoeira last night with a video camera attached to my face so that I got out of actually having to perform in front of the hordes of Brazilians our professors invited to watch our (or at least my) shameful lack of coordination.  Too bad I never thought to borrow the video camera from my family sooner, maybe I could have avoided all those crazy evenings of contortionist play.

And so my Capoeira days are over, leaving me covered in bruises, hobbling through the streets of Brazil with a videotape and berimbau clutched in hand.

Tonight I head for Rio de Janeiro on a bus.  I begged my fellow travelers to fork out the extra money for an ônibus semi-leito (partial sleeping bus), but there seems to be a communal crisis of money at the end of this trip – I really don’t understand how the crisis can be that great when even I can afford to pay the extra TEN DOLLARS to travel without another passenger reclining in my lap, but hey…  at least they all agreed to pay the extra two dollars to have three more inches of space.

And so my time in Vitória comes to a close.  It’s been interesting and fun and messed up all at the same time.  I can’t wait to see what Rio brings the second time around!  One final excursion to end the trip in style.

Até mais…

First, I have to express my thanks to each and every one of you, for providing so much compassion and support in response to my latest email re Kitty.  He is holding his own at the vet’s office, charming them all I am certain with his feisty attitude and will to live.  He is not out of the woods by any means and may still not make it, but I am taking comfort in knowing that he is in very good hands and is being treated very well.

As for my experiences here in Brazil, I am trying to take to heart the advice I have received from so many different sources:  to continue enjoying my time here as best I can, and to trust all will be well.  It’s hard at times to stay focused and to not wish the hours away, which is the worst way of wasting precious hours of life, but I am doing my best.

It helps that I am living in a house filled with crazy people.  They allow me very little time to wallow and to pout.  The house has a total of 8 people living in it (that includes me) and it is, quite literally, a mad house.  Four of the people are children ranging from ages 5 to 14 and the other four are adults, three of whom are driving me bonkers (I would be the fourth adult and I think it’s safe to say that I’m the only person in the house not certifiably insane!)

This makes it all sound so very terrible and it isn’t really.  I’ve just learned the virtue of laughing at their madness and well… pretending that it’s all quite normal.  That works most of the time.  Basically, they yell.  No.  That’s wrong.  They SCREAM.  ALL the time.  It’s kind of funny actually.  All my life, I’ve been told that I’m a very loud person.  I laugh too loudly.  I talk too loudly.  When I get excited, I REALLY talk too loudly.  Well.  Please.  Compared to these people, I am the most soft-spoken person you will ever meet.  It’s not that they yell.  It’s that they yell ALL THE TIME.  AT THE SAME TIME.

Conversations in this mad house are impossible.  You should just give up.  That’s what I’ve learned.  They should have a sign on the door that says “Communication within these walls is currently impossible.”  Although it should be in Portuguese obviously.  It really is an exercise in futility.  Because they all yell their thoughts at the same time.  And the youngest child, poor thing, I don’t think she has a hope in hell of ever being heard, which is probably why she doesn’t have a CLUE how to use a normal, speaking voice.  EVERY SINGLE word that I have EVER heard her speak has been shouted (actually more like screamed because she has a tiny, squeaky voice) at the top of her lungs.  I mean picture it, please, for one moment, just picture it:

“MAMAEMAMAEMAMAEMAMAEMAMAEONDEEQUEVAMOSHOJE

MAMAEMAMAEMAMAEMAMAETAMEOUVINDOMAMAEMAMAE

ONDEEQUEVAMOSMAMAEMAMAEMAMAEONDEEQUE…”

and it just goes on and on and on and ON ad nauseum until I want to put my face in Darah’s tiny little one and scream “NOWHERE, WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE, SO JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!”  Then I want to smack Fabiana and tell her to answer her child for god’s sake before I go postal on everyone’s ass.  Unfortunately for me, they don’t get those little pop culture references and so I just sit there listening to the chaos until I feel like my head is going to explode.  Then I quietly retire to my room, where I am able to listen to their entire conversation and repeat it verbatum from one floor up and three rooms over because they’re all talking THAT DAMN LOUD!!!!

Yes.  I really do love this family.  Really.  It’s just that they’re all a little nuts, that’s all.  And hey, every family has it’s nutty members, right?  It’s just not that often that the entire family’s full of nutters, that’s all.  Makes them all the more unique, right?  Anyway, the kids are adorable and they’re all currently indulging in a race to see who can read Amy’s entire Harry Potter collection in Portuguese before she leaves.  I really love my HP books, but I am considering leaving them as a gift to the kids.  After all, kids’ books should really be enjoyed by kids, right?  And what’s the likelihood of some young Portuguese-speaking student in my class one day deciding to read them?  Not too great, I would say…

So, my family’s great.  Capoeira, on the other hand, is killing me.  All I have to say is never ever take an exercise class in a foreign country.  It’s just not a good idea.  They believe that everyone is capable of everything, including crazy-ass cartwheels across a giant gymnasium and one-handed hand stands where your entire body moves in some weird-ass arc that defies gravity and the space-time continuum, but hey… it’s entirely possible if you just put your mind to it, right?  Right… I’ve never really felt my age until now, but I’m telling you, I now feel my age times 10.  I get home every night and I’m walking like a little old lady who just fell down a flight of stairs.

The students in my class can pretty much be divided into three groups:  the athletes, who attack Capoeira like it’s a game to be won (and thus somehow, end up accomplishing all manner of things that defy gravity), the dancers, who flow seemlessly through all the steps like they were born doing Capoeira, and me.  Yep, that would be me, the group of 1.  The non-athlete, non-dancer, ten years older than everyone else in the group me.  It’s really not a pretty sight…. Amy doing Capoeira.  I have a terrible fear that I resemble a giant lumbering gorilla trying to do the cancan.  Every time someone pulls out a camera, I try to hide, but I’m afraid I was unable to avoid being captured by some hidden, stealth-like spy cameras.  It’s unfortunate, but true.  Somewhere out there the sight of Amy lumbering through the steps of Capoeira is captured for posterity’s sake.  Coitadinho de posterity.  (How sad for posterity.)

Well, I do believe they want to close this internet cafe down.  I’m getting the evil eye, so I should go now.  Thanks to all of you for your support and don’t forget to say a prayer that Amy survives four more classes of Capoeira with the insane Brazilian instructors (who also happen to be truly hot, so you might also ad lib a couple prayers – I think you know the kind that I mean!)

I realize I have not sent an update in a while, and this one is more in the
nature of an update on my state of being, rather than on my Brazilian
experiences, but I feel all of this is pertinent to providing an overall picture
of my summer in Brazil.

I really can’t talk about the last few weeks and my experiences here without
touching on some of the things happening in the States.  My uncle Jimmy (whom I
must admit, I did not know very well, and who was sick for some time) died a
couple weeks ago, leaving my grandmother devastated and my mom and aunts working
over-time to make funeral arrangements.  In addition, my grandmother’s health
has reached a point where my mom and Aunt Pat feel she would be better off in an
assisted living arrangement rather than living alone, so they are trying to help
her find a place that she likes.  It’s difficult being away from my family when
such turmoil is unfolding in their lives.

In addition, and most devastating for me personally, is that almost overnight,
Kitty’s health has deteriorated, reaching a critical point.  Luckily, Celeste
recognized that something was wrong almost immediately and got him to my vet,
who has been treating him since Monday.  The vet believes he has pancreatic
cancer.  Kitty already suffered a bout with his pancreas about five years ago,
and the vet was able to nurse him back to health, but there was always a risk
that the illness would return.

When he reached the vet’s office on Monday, his body temperature was critically
low, and he was severely dehydrated and anemic.  The doctors have been working
to stabilize him and he seemed to be doing better yesterday, even sitting up and
purring a little.  The bottom line, however, is that there are no guarantees,
the vets are doing everything they can for him, but it just may not be enough.
At this point, they can’t even treat his pancreas because the treatment is so
aggressive, it would aggravate his other symptoms, i.e., the dehydration and
anemia.

The worst part, of course, is that I am so far away, and am not able to be
there with him as he struggles against this illness.  Feeling terribly helpless,
I sat down on Tuesday night and recorded my voice on a cassette tape, rambling
about my experiences here in Brazil.  I then Sedexed (the Brazilian form of
FedExed) the tape to the vet’s office.  The fastest I could send it was 3-6 days
(which still cost a fortune — the equivalent of around $16 US) but I am hoping
it will provide him with some comfort.

For those of you who may not know Kitty, he is my 20-year old cat, who has been
with me since my 12th birthday, and is most definitely, one of the best friends
I could ever and will ever have.  My home has always been filled with his
presence and without him would feel terribly empty, as would I.  I have, of
course, known for several years that our time together has been getting more
limited, and that every single day we have together is a gift.  Sitting here in
Brazil, knowing that I have been away from him for a month, something which may
have actually caused the illness to come back, makes me feel that I have
squandered so many of those precious gifts.  When I heard that he was sick, my
instinct was to jump on a plane and rush home.  I restrained myself for one
reason.  I left him to do research here in Brazil and leaving without finishing
that research would make all he has suffered almost pointless.  At the same
time, I am cursing my credit card-less existence, for if I had one, I would
certainly be charging a plane ticket home right now, just so that I could spend
a long weekend visiting him at the vet’s office.

In any case, this update certainly has nothing to do with any of my Brazilian
experiences, and yet, in many ways, it has everything to do with them.  For the
past couple weeks, and in particular, this week, as I have attended my classes
and conducted my interviews in schools, I have found it almost impossible to
concentrate, as my thoughts have centered on my family and Kitty.  The events
back home have had a definite impact on my experiences here, as they should.  I
certainly have more experience in Brazilian public restrooms as a result, given
that I spent most of Monday as I went from class to class, finding quiet corners
in them to sob and whisper prayers for my cat.

I can only hope that things will continue to improve with Kitty and that I will
have the opportunity to pet him and listen to his purr upon my return.

Well, I´m actually in the middle of week 4, I´m getting a little behind in my updates here.  Oh, well…

First, I apologize if people´s computers are having difficulty translating some of the weird keys I´m having to use on these Brazilian keyboards.  They don´t really believe in using the apostrophe here, so I have to make do with accent marks, which may be interpreted kind of strangely by some computers.

I thought I would take a moment to reply to some generic questions I´ve received from some individuals (and I apologize to those of you who have taken the time to email me personally and to whom I have not yet responded… I tend to have limited online time, but really appreciate all the emails I´ve been getting — they make me smile!)  And so… on to the questions:

1.  Have you been able to find any Dr. Pepper there in Brazil?  Much to my great distress, I am living a dr. pepper free life here in the land of beautiful bronzed bodies.  Luckily for me, however, I am able to consume the occasional coke.  It´s just not the same, of course, but in times of extreme paucity, one must make do with what one has.

2.  Have you been able to consume your regular gallon of salsa and 5 bags of chips per week there?  Much to my even greater distress, the Brazilians do not believe in either chips or salsa.  Instead, they believe in the almighty Cat Chup (that would be ketchup for the less discerning eye), which they pour on everything from pasta to popcorn.  I have yet to see a single human being eat cat chup on their french fries.

3.  How easy is it to remain vegetarian?  Now that I have made it past my original misconception that the word “carne” (literally, meat) has the same connotation here as it does back home, I have a lot less difficulty maintaining my vegetarian status.  Originally, I would ask for dishes without carne and would be invariably directed to a variety of dishes that upon closer reflection included pork or chicken.  People here just don´t understand what it means to be vegetarian.  I am constantly asked so you don´t eat carne, right (which I originally replied yes to, but later discovered ONLY covers beef).  I have since learned to specify that I don´t eat beef, pork, chicken OR fish, which usually garners me some very strange looks and invariably results in me eating a variety of salads and side items.  But hey, at least it´s not some pork pie masquerading as a vegetarian dish.

4.  What´s the weather like in Brazil (I think this person was having trouble coming up with something exciting to ask, but hey…)  Well, it´s winter here, which for Brazilians means that they walk around in jeans and short-sleeved shirts and come nightfall, shiver and complain that it´s too cold.  Oh, and they limit their ocean swimming to the hottest hours of the day (mid-afternoon).  For me, it means that I walk around in shorts and tank tops all the time and stare in open-mouthed amazement when my 10-year old host brother (who lives in the Northeast, where it´s “really hot”) comes downstairs every morning dressed in shorts and a giant winter coat (I didn´t even know they HAD winter coats here!)  Imagine… an entire country colder than ME!!

5.  Is that your program at http://www.ku.edu/~brasilis/summer.html?  Yes, this is the website where you can read my itinerary and class schedule for the summer (no, there are no pictures posted, although I have it on good authority that the director of the program is planning to upload some photos to the website one of these days).  And yes, we are actually taking capoeira classes three times a week.  What is capoeira, you might ask?  Well, basically, it´s the Brazilian form of martial arts that often looks like dancing, it´s so seamless (when you do it right of course, which for me, is never).  In my case, it´s more like 4 hours of torture every week, where I´m forced to make my body do things that it was never meant to do (under no circumstances should my legs EVER go over my head in that fashion!)

6.  Are you ever coming home?  Despite persistent rumours that I am having so much fun here fighting off the mosquitoes, rocketing down the rapids of Brazil, fishing giant bumblebees out of my yogurt, paying for slow internet connections, running for my life every time I cross the street due to crazy Brazilian drivers who do not believe in stopping (or even slowing down) for any reason whatsoever, watching all my favorite movies dubbed in Portuguese which means I don´t get shivers down my back every time Sean Connery speaks, and spending endless hours three days a week in extremely BORING Portuguese classes where I am supposed to speak like Brazilians (not in that crazy Portuguese accent)… YES, I am coming home.  August 10th.